nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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