im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize