i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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