I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
