I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
