Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
