He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
