Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
