ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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