there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
