i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
