Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
