and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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