So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
