im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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