I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
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