need another drink. this is the easiest way
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
