The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
