I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
