so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
