Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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