I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
This is my life. Enjoy the view
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize
