What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
