you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
