ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
