yo everyone went to the hospital last night
you will always have a special place in my vag
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
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