Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
