he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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