this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
