i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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