Well douche your snatch and let's go!
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
