I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
This baby is an asshole
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Randomize
