Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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