I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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