I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
