so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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