i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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