There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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