I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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