He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I think weed is turning my hair brown
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Randomize
