She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
