Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I look better un-naked...
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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