so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
