what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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