how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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