remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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