hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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