Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
