Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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