Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Semen is not good for contacts.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
