I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
