There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
