i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
