Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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