Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
