He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Randomize