I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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