whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
