wakey wakey hands off snakey
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
