my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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