i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
