Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
