Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
