I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
dude. I can hear the air.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
