I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
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