Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
