Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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