Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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