Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
