my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
