I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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