Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
