checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I AM VODKA MAN
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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