sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
