all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
