Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
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