I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
