Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
