I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
