I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
